1. |
Bending Hand
04:48
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i can’t tell u how many times
i can’t hear what u mean only what u say to me
take my hand and bend it back
look at me thru my fingers
show me the colors gathered in between our thighs
in relationships there are layers of
this
if it falls apart i know that we’ll try
im a pillhead i admit if i can i will steal it
u can fall asleep in my arms
falls apart i know that we’ll try
im tasting the special color inside (u can fall asleep in my car)
ur eyes looking into mine
if pleasure is a garden
control is the soil
full of desire for
submission
and release wears a collar
the first love is all consuming
placing stones of power
on your bare stomach
digging up pieces of plants and afterwords
ill drive us around in the sunlight
it falls apart i know we’ll keep trying
and i’ll hold a container for u as long as u want
and u say u won’t always be
it falls apart i know we’ll keep trying
always always
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2. |
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i want to take a walk
without looking over my shoulder at night
i want to turn you off, i want to knock you off because
staring at me while i’m at my job is not alright
i want to walk in the park
lay on the ground after dark
i wanna wear no clothes
lay with my eyes fully closed
i wanna roam in the streets
not gonna care about the creeps
not have to hear their vile screams
and not have to keep my fist around my
keys
you only see me as one thing
and it makes me so blinded with rage i can’t see
and i hear all these goddamn awful stories
and i wonder why it happened to her and me
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3. |
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sit still and let the world move around you
you can trust a dog with a collar
please turn the music louder
i don’t want to hear your thoughts
i don’t want to hear mine either
oh my love i am in love with pain
i hope you will treat me the same
a kitten grows into a killer
and i am only getting sicker
i forget where i am
i am my own eyes closing
i’m dreaming of spilled cocaine
dreaming of johns dog with one blue eye
dreaming of my dad’s friend who died
they had one brown, one green eye
a kitten grows into a killer
and i am only getting sicker
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4. |
Rosehips
04:33
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i come home, i smell like sweat, skin gets hot, skin gets wet
growing flowers on ur chest
rosehips for restoration
and it’s coming back up again
you could sit on my lap then i’d have ur back
all the time
i recognize the smile on ur face
when u are hiding all the pain
i do the same when i talk to my friends
ooh ooohooo
rosehips for restoration and
its coming back up again
i could sit on your lap
and then u’d have my back all the time
skin is mending over red lines touch them with respect where blood is pooling
i recognize the smile on ur face
i do the same when feelings are mending all of the time
what u say
keeps me awake
i come home, i smell like sweat, skin gets hot, skin gets wet
growing flowers, cold in the summer, water wrapped around ur neck
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5. |
Guitar Stare
11:17
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i was hunting you, i should have known
you made it too easy
had u there on your knees there in front of me
when suddenly i’m staring at the sky
your voice is crying out all around me
filling the stereo field, doubled, tripled, multiplied
see you on the surface again
you hold my hands while i’m tripping
you hold my hands while i’m tripping around
fumbling i am addicted to sound
music is my crutch and i am falling away
from my ego everyday
music is my drug
music is my church
music is my purse
i lose everything i earned in it
everything i learned from it
music is my purse i lose everything i’m cursed by it
i have to find it
i have to find it before it takes me over
music is my drug i can’t trust myself enough to get by without it
i can’t find my happy place without it i don’t even doubt it
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6. |
Reservoir
04:25
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forcing myself to eat
forcing myself asleep
this is what my soft habits have done
to me
sister you cry on the corner
of a busy street
i wish the world did not ruin everyday
for women
you’ve been cutting, i was cutting too
now we quit that cause we are getting better
a reservoir of strength
i can see it in your face
have a good day, i know itll be rough
i’ll be waiting at the end, with all my love
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7. |
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I work a job so you can not worry so I can do drugs when i want to
i live alone so i can avoid when you look in my eyes and you know that i’m hollow
draw the blinds to the sill
cover the glass before it spills
paint me in between the lines
let’s pretend to be perfectly still
and i’m gonna lie cause your gonna ask
and you cause problems when i’m honest
and i’m gonna do whatever i like
cause i’m not good at keeping promises
that’s only fair neither of us will ever be sure
how i made it home last night
that’s only fair neither of us will ever know
where i go when you look in my eyes
I work a job so you can not worry so I can do drugs when i want to
i live alone so i can avoid when the curtains are closed and i’m sitting inside
cause i did it again and i really don’t mind so
when you look at me you know
that’s only fair
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8. |
4_Greeneyes
02:40
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god you sure look pretty laying in bed
face illuminated by a little LED that clips to your novel
i miss you from across the water
first a river, now the sea
love’s like fire, the more you let the
pieces shift, the more it grows
the less you miss
i watch the video you sent of your face
over and over again
watching ourselves spending our lives chasing ourselves and what that means
that first glance that i had of you i knew what i wanted to do
first a river now the sea
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9. |
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bleach blonde bangs and a choker on
my soul is gold my soul is golden
i go out every night
bleach blonde bangs and a choker on
if i was dressing honest
i would wear everything in your closet
i would wear every single thing in your closet
skin tight dresses golden necklaces (all those)
tight black dresses beautiful
i would feel the sun so warm
miniskirt leave my legs out to burn
if i was dressing honest i would wear everything in your closet
fishnets and earrings
i part my hair in a different way
out on fishnets put on earrings
put on my smile and it’s differently worn
i go out every night bleach blonde bangs and a choker on
blood red touching the vein i wanna feel your pain
blood red touching the vein i wanna feel your
emptiness
i had a dream i was digging in the sand
cottonwood roots
cottonwood roots glowing blue under my hand
i had a
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House of Warmth Portland, Oregon
Very Very Warm
kayla
joey
monkey
maya
morgan
“I was conscious every moment. I felt them positively swarming in me, these opposite elements. I knew that they had been swarming in me all my life and craving some outlet from me, but I purposely would not let them come out. They tormented me till I was ashamed: they drove me to convulsions and—sickened me, at last, how they sickened me!”
... more
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