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  • Cassette + Digital Album

    Limited-edition cassette, comes with risographed Jcard by Secret Room Press. Your choice of three colorways. Comes with (2) different bonus stickers. 45 copies in total.

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1.
Genderbent 04:33
Genderbent gender is not a line it’s something in my mind and not between my legs it’s something that needs to change it’s not between my legs it’s not for u to say she can’t walk home safe on her own the streets are not her home but they are for me just cause i’m male presenting half the time dual gender is mine and if u didn’t know depressions taste is not a choice i speak with anxieties voice everyone needs the choice to present what they feel inside and not the label their parents provide gender is not a line she can’t walk home safe on her own but i’ll fight for her to be safe on her own to be safe on her own to walk home alone to take that uber alone to be safe on her own gender is not a line it’s not between my legs it’s something that needs to change it’s not for u to say gender is not a line it’s not between my legs it’s something that needs to change it’s not for you to say
2.
Fragments Of Mind i don’t know the words to say recently my mind has been blank i can feel my heart beat in my chest it’s a heavy place, begging for rest i can’t sit and watch you in pain i can’t watch u wish ur life away i don’t know the right thing to do i can’t stop loving you i wake up in fear that you’re no longer here sick of seeing faces in the mirror says there’s only one way to disappear (no) i move 3 hours away ur in my mind everyday text me as soon as u wake so i know u are here one more day just one more day baby just one more day, we’ll take it just one more day and i wish u could see the other side not the one ur mind fills with lies ur thoughts are real but ur thoughts are blind ur thoughts are real, but they’re fragments of mind fragments of mind you’re believing these lies i don’t know the words to say recently my mind has been blank
3.
My Hand Fits Best Around My Own Throat i know you said i really fucked u up i know we always did like it rough i realized my hand fits the best around my own throat i know to control to break holds, to submit to break grips with both hands for how long have i can i my hand fits best around my own throat who would guessed do you feel so much better when you are not here? i know a few ways to change what i’m feeling just by breathing what have i swallowed trying to control i know my hands fits the best around my own throat to control to break hold to submit to break grips i know, always liked it rough i realized my hand fits the best around my own throat do you feel so much better when u are not here do you feel so much better when you are not so very sober i know a few ways to change what yer feeling just through breathing i know a few ways i know a few ways (just by breathing) you’ll see my face when you are. ready you’ll be my mask till you are steady with both hands for how long have i can i have i my hand fits the best around my own throat who would have guessed?
4.
Portland Sun 03:48
Portland Sun i’m feeling trapped in my own skin when ur running from urself it’s hard to win is it mind or body causing this pain it’s all the same portland sun is even getting too bright only go outside when it’s dark at night people watch to understand the happy write down everything that i can’t be i’m closest to bliss wrapped in my sheets feel no pain without this body i don’t hate me i just hate the mold this intoxicating cravings getting old portland sun is even getting too bright only go outside when it’s dark at night people watch to understand the happy write down everything that i can’t be i don’t want to show u how i’m letting this pain take me away i don’t understand i’m supposed to keep living each day if i’m not hiding all of this crying they leave i will keep hiding all of this crying to me portland sun is even getting too bright only go outside when it’s dark at night people watch to understand the happy write down everything that i can’t be
5.
Caretake 05:12
Caretake love of the caretaker love of the parent love of the friend love of the gardener for the plants humans are poison on the land maybe if i took more care maybe if i took more maybe when the trees grow back will we get to see that? maybe men don’t understand what i mean because they push away their hard feelings i have to lay down my head is full of sound maybe maybe if they did not see men and women only maybe then the trees would grow back maybe speak to me through the plastic through our panting mouths i have to lay down maybe if they’d stop taking if they didn’t see men and women only maybe then the trees would grow back men don’t understand what i mean because they push away their feelings i have to lay down my head is full of sound
6.
You're Me 06:14
You're Me i wish there was an answer i wish i had a clue i wish i could go back in time to when i didn't think of you your voice is getting louder your voice takes up my time my voice becomes silent your voice is in my mind you read to me the numbers you put them in my head you make me check the mirror before i go to bed you're always making comments i know i've lost control i know i'll never get back the part of me you stole you rip me into pieces you tell me who to be i wish that i could leave you but you're a part of me you're me i wish that i could leave you

about

"Genderbent is an album we wrote while sharing a sick bed. Genderbent is an album we wrote the year we traded bodies. Genderbent is an album we wrote inside a hole. We found a musical expression of the whirling evils in our world; a sonic syncretism that relies on the mixing of two voices. Passing through the wall of sound we found a disembodied space. We stepped into the caverns of our bodies and listened for the sign…"

We recorded this album in the basement of the original House of Warmth in Portland, OR - circa 2021. Kaitlin and I each brought 3 songs to record, creating a split album - the continuity of which relies on the recording process, not in the writing of the songs. We approached our lived experience of early pandemic life, gender and sexual fluidity, body dysmorphia, isolation, suicidal ideation, and drug use from our own points of view. Using a Tascam 424mkII cassette recorder, we set about tracking these songs. Tape saturation effects, paired with the "wall of sound" coming from fuzzed out guitars, led to a unique sound we felt drawn to. Layered on top of a shifting, blown out rhythm section lay soaring and floating vocals. Guitar leads were layered and spidery riffs not typically heard in grungegaze came to the forefront of the songs. We wanted to give the impression of our voices melding together, so we bounced the tracks into a DAW to give us more control over the sound. The album was sent to Brack Cantrell (Crisman) for drum retracking and mixing at their studio. Holding together the sometimes rough and fractured nature of our cassette recordings are the sparkling HIFI shimmers and tight bass end of Brack’s studio drum set. Finally, the album was mastered by Corey Coffman (Gleemer) at their studio in Colorado.


- Kayla Gold & Maya Skye

credits

released October 31, 2023

Kayla Gold - bass, guitar, vox, initial drum tracking
Kaitlin Bell - guitar, vox
Tracks 1, 3, 5 written by Kayla Gold
Tracks 2, 4, 6 written by Kaitlin Bell
Drums re-tracked by Brack Cantrell (Track 1 drum re-tracking by Wyatt Oberholzer @ The Knife Lair)
Recorded by Kayla Gold
Mixed by Brack Cantrell (Track 1 mixed by Wyatt Oberholzer @ The Knife Lair)
Mastered by Corey Coffman
Photography by Maya Skye
Layout and cover design by Kayla Gold
Cover art by Zach Sundborg

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House of Warmth Portland, Oregon

Very Very Warm

kayla
joey
monkey
maya
morgan

“I was conscious every moment. I felt them positively swarming in me, these opposite elements. I knew that they had been swarming in me all my life and craving some outlet from me, but I purposely would not let them come out. They tormented me till I was ashamed: they drove me to convulsions and—sickened me, at last, how they sickened me!”
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